damned and double damned

Life without skateboarding is very tough indeed. WH Auden said we need some "outlet for our foiled creative fire", and i couldnt agree more. so hard to replace it. tried a wee kickflip outside yesterday and winced in pain. not ready yet. physio tomorrow and the usual swim, which has been neglected of late after 2 days stomach craziness.

Channeling energy instead into swimming and reading; physical and mental. Nothing, however, can long replace skateboarding for me. It such an integral part of everything.

Skeetz (a friend in scotland) and I have been talking about this of late; discussing the oddity that is our addiction. He has months and months away at sea then gets back into it with avengance. I am only ever out with injury, and that´s never for long; i heal fast (descartes was wrong about the mind and the body working as two entities...willpower surmounts all).

I guess, at this stage, we will always worry if this is the slam that puts us down for ever....restricted to afternoon longboard cruises and freaking out at every corner in case the ankle folds in. Not me. I refuse to admit the possibility, but i guess my subconscious is making contigency plans as i type.

I have been skating for a long time. So long, in fact, that it has been woven into the fabric of who i am. Skating does that...it revises your identity and exposes you to feelings and perspectives that are otherwise roadside. When you look at your environment differently, as we do, everything changes.

Humans have a primal need for collective identification; something which seals us off as forever different from others. we need to feel somehow special, to give us purpose. Nobody wants to be a Beta in this Brave New World.

Who am I without it? Of course I have other vices, other outlets in abundance, but nothing has yet compared. Surfing is incredible, and snowboarding is bliss, but I am a skater....that´s just who I am.

So I guess I¨m trapped here. The fire is long from out, and I insist on this inimitable brand of fuel to fan it further still.